Path to safety
The story of a woman who survived two occupations
The Woman has no past, only fragments of memories, and even those are pale and insignificant. In the past, the Woman was young enough not to worry about the future but mature enough to have a comfortable present. She had a small grocery store and friends and traveled with them to Europe twice a year. There was no husband or children - the Woman didn't rush but hoped one day she would have them.
Then the war began, and russian soldiers did this to her. She doesn't remember how she survived it. Somehow she survived, or rather, hid. She moved to another region, opened a small business again - a coffee shop and found new friends. She met a man and got married. She kept her experience to herself. She was afraid he wouldn't accept it. The Woman lived her new life and got used to enjoying it. And then the war came again. And the Man went to defend the land and her, the Woman.
Then the military entered the city. The Woman had already seen this before. And one day, they did it again. She doesn't remember exactly how it happened. She only remembers that they wanted to kill her afterward, but what they didn't kill - that memory has faded away.
When the city was free, the Woman gathered a few things and left. She didn't think for a second - she just wanted to be anywhere but there. She only told her Husband when she had found a place for herself. But again, she didn't tell him what had happened to her. She was afraid that he would decide to seek revenge and get killed in the process
The Woman traveled through three countries. Everywhere she found support, but not safety. At some point, she realized - no matter how far she went, the fear would continue to haunt her. After that, she stopped traveling. She stopped at a small European country - it is cozy and friendly. Nobody hides behind thick curtains on the windows, and everyone smiles. But the Woman still doesn't feel safe. She is afraid of sounds behind the doors and people on the streets, and she knows that there are russians among them, and russians can rape and kill.
During the first month, the Woman slept heavily. She wanted to sleep constantly - she would wake up and immediately want to sleep again. At some point, the Woman realized that if this continued, one day, she would just fall asleep and never wake up. And she had to live so that her Husband would have someone to protect and someone to come back to. So the Woman forced herself to get up and go on with life. She did what she did best - opened a jewelry store. Quickly, she earned her first money. She bought bright dresses and sweaters, got a nice haircut, and started going out - dining out, buying vegetables at the local market, and going for walks around the city. She got to know her neighbors and started greeting them. You would never tell by looking at the Woman that she had been through so much. But inside her - there is a black, cold hole that she skillfully hides from strangers' eyes but not from herself.
The Woman will never return home. For her, the home has become the most dangerous place in the world. More than anything, she would like to go back, but it won't happen. What will happen? The Woman doesn't know. For now, she has lost not only her past, but also her future. All the Woman wants is to stop being afraid. That's why she went to a psychologist. Slowly, she talks. Not about the past - she doesn't remember it - and not about the future - she can't see it. But about the present and her feelings in it. It doesn't get easier yet, but the Woman believes it will.
This story is based on the experiences of real people who have suffered sexual violence by russian soldiers and are now on the path to recovery. Their stories were heard and retold by psychologist Svitlana. The heroes themselves are not yet able to speak. They need time and help. We hope the day will come when they will feel strong enough to testify to the war crimes committed by the occupiers on our land against our people.
